an odyssey

Haven’t been blogging for some time, I mean I kinda paused at my first one. Well, my exams are finally over, and I’m free for the next two months (yeay!). But. Who knew sitting at home and doing almost nothing everyday makes you want to go do something? Well, I haven’t been exactly 100% free, I had my University selection exams to sit for, and that was 3 days ago. I had to prepare for that as well. So it’s actually only 3 days into ultimate freedom but I feel like a zombie already.

                Anyway. These few months seemed to flash by me, and it’s now that i realize I’m out of college; I’m heading to a university soon. Wow. And all my friends from college, I might not see them again. Even if I do, it sure won’t be the same. We’ll be having different problems to deal with, varied levels of stress, semester breaks that clashes with another’s exam week, these things are common.

                Friendship. Priceless, acquired only by trust and originality. When I first entered college, KDU, I was a stranger to everyone, and everyone to me. I didn’t get the chance of taking part in the orientation, too late for that. My hometown is a 1.5 hour drive from KDU; I had to live with my aunt during my study period in college. So, it is understandable that I don’t meet or bump into anyone I know, or even barely know in KDU. It was tough, I felt out of place most of the time. In my first few classes, I managed to mentally point out the smart-asses of the class. There was a dude in black-rimmed glasses, another one with spiked hair, a broad-shouldered, small-eyed guy and a lanky, bespectacled guy with flat hair. I knew it was wrong and inappropriate to judge people by their looks and speech, and that only after 3-4 days. I silently dreaded having to compete with them in the class. I felt small. I felt I wasn’t good enough.

                In A-Levels, we get to choose a minimum of 3 subjects. Most of my classmates took 4. Another reason to feel inferior. I attended physics class for 3 days and decided against taking it. It was too boring (in my opinion) and besides, I don’t have any interest in it. God knows how I got my A for the SPM examination. It was then I met a few classmates who didn’t like the subject and dropped it as well. June, she was the first friend I made who stuck with me till the end. She seemed a little strict, with her glasses and stern looks, eventually I found out that she is a really nice person to hang around with. She’s friendly to everyone, and gives a wide smile, all teeth showing when I say ‘hi!’.

               Chemistry classes were terrifying initially. The lecturer, Mr. George, a very strict and scary-looking one, has the power to make us all feel inferior. His chemistry lessons were always thorough and easy to understand and most of really like him, despite all. He was easily the best Chemistry sir anyone can ever get for A-Level, and we were lucky. During classes, I chose to sit at the first lab table, right in front of the lecturer’s desk, my eyesight wasn’t that good. It was at the first table I met Wesley, a very polite and helpful guy. He loves to give positive remarks whenever and wherever he could. His hometown is in the East Malaysia, so we were on the same wavelength kinda thing. He often felt out of place and kept a lot to himself. But, as we moved on, I found that he can be really funny and supportive as well. June and Wesley hit off pretty well too, and my little circle of friends were growing. :D

                For Biology lab sessions, we(non-physics students) had to join another group of students, from the same intake. That was when I found out that we had 2 groups for the A-Level Science intake. Here was where I met another girl, Alex. She’s very friendly, smiles all the time, and is always there to hear you out. She encouraged me to do things I’d never have done alone, and thanks to her, they all proved worthwhile. She’s an inspiration, in many ways more than one.

                As time passed by, I met friends of friends and discovered that the ‘smart-asses’ in my class aren’t stuck-up at all. The black-rimmed glasses guy is Marc, spiky hair boy is Henry, small-eyed dude is Ginsky and the last one is Joel. They were the life and soul of the class. Literally. Henry and Marc come up with all kind of dirty jokes, and they’re so funny that no one was offended in any way. Ginsky and Joel were high school mates and they specialized in spreading ‘smelly jokes’. Jokes that don’t make sense but makes you laugh at the sheer stupidity of it. Read this:

Q: What’s the biggest fish in the sea?

A: (expected): The shark.

Q: What’s bigger than a shark?

A: …. (no answer)

Q: It’s a shark tempura! Due to the outer crust, it makes the fish bigger =.=

And, they also discovered the ‘smelly-no-meter’, a ‘device’ which measures the smelliness of your joke, on a scale of 1-10. Oh and they were really good at it. Ginsky was ultimately crowned ‘The Smelly King’ and Joel, his sidekick. June somehow got 'infected' by all these smelliness and the dirty jokes, she became 'one of them'. Oh, and it wasn't surprising that she and Ginsky started dating (:

                Things like these, and many more. So, we were all sad when they had to leave KDU so soon, because they received scholarship from the government (brainiacs) to pursue their desired course. We had a farewell for them, and it was a teary one. Only 5 months into knowing each other, and we were so attached, like a family. It was after this separation that the two A-level groups started to converge, and we made more friends. Arshwin, the only other Indian apart from me in the course, happened to be the one who teases everyone, and gets away with it. His favorite phrase, ‘You suck,’ is hurled at anyone who isn’t ‘good enough’. For example, if you don’t watch Harry Potter, or LOTR, brace yourself for The Phrase. I know, he may sound like a douchebag, but he really is a good friend. He motivates (in a way) us to keep studying and don’t give up, especially when exams were nearing, and June and I would be like, ‘Screw this shit!’. He’d be the ‘Guru’ for us. LOL.

                Edmund, a guy whom I knew existed (but never spoken to) since the first month of college, became a close friend only after a series of weird conversations regarding his recent break-up. (I’m sorry if you’re reading this Ed.) He seldom hung out in the class, he usually spent time with his girlfriend (at that time). He only became visible and approachable after the break-up, which I’m not sorry about. He seemed to ‘resurface’ as a friendlier person. HAHA, sorry dude. Ed is a very hardworking guy. I’d say he’s the next smartest to Alex. Alex is a girl who excels quietly. Whereas Ed is always seen completing homework, staying back for group study, answering questions being thrown at the class and helping almost all the other classmates. he's like the 'shield' for those of us who didn't pay attention. He’s also extremely funny; he has the most EPIC facial expressions, ever. And he loves to come up with racist jokes, all of to which Arshwin will respond ‘you suck,’ and me doubling in laughter. We say things we don’t mean, and it’s a whole new level of saying-things-you-don’t-mean when it comes to the bunch of us. Strangers might think we are rude, or discriminative, that’s why we don’t really publicize our conversations.

                So, we used to hang out a lot, me, June, Wesley, Alex, Arshwin and Edmund. Eventually the circle got bigger and we became close to almost half the bunch of people in A-Level Science. It was very comforting; I felt like I belonged, I felt happy, I felt like I was back in high school with my old friends. We spent a lot of time together, and it’s really sad, to think that we have to separate now. KDU was a home and we were a family. Most of us will be heading in different directions, some even to the UK. I’m heading off to Indonesia myself. I hope that whatever happens, wherever life takes us, we’ll never forget the times we shared in KDU, and hopefully, we’ll be able to meet up somewhere in the future and laugh at our old times. I love you guys. All the best.

short story, anyone?

                She smiled and handed him their newborn daughter. ‘Look at her,’ he cooed. ‘So beautiful, like her mother.’ The baby looked up at her father and gurgled. She has a pair of big brown eyes, framed by thick, long and dark lashes any girl would kill for. She then squirmed slightly, eyes shifting to her mother who is a few feet away, and made to reach out towards her with her tiny fists. The father handed the baby over to his wife, smiling slightly as he did. He brushed his fingers gently across her cheeks, looked deeply into her eyes and said, ‘Thank you.’

`DING DONG! DING DONG! DING DONG!’

                She woke with a start. The doorbell kept ringing. As she fumbled in the dark, feeling the wall for the light switch, she tripped over a rug and fell hard on her back. It was excruciating, she saw stars for a few seconds. `DING DONG! DING DONG! DING DONG!’ Argh, why must he keep ringing the doorbell?! She muffled her sobs by clamping her hand to her mouth and hauled herself off the floor. Must get to the door before John wakes up. The pain was getting worse, she could feel her legs shaking, threatening to give way. Somehow, she managed to leave her room and tottered towards the front door. The moment the door was unlocked, he stumbled in, red-eyed and drunk, as always. He smelled of sweat, mixed with smoke and liquor, the stench so overpowering that her eyes stung. His thick and curly black hair, always worn longish, was matted to his head. His office attire, crisp and clean in the morning, now looked as though they haven’t been laundered for weeks.

                She was not surprised, or even angry. She has been facing the same scenario for the past two months, ever since the economy went down south and they lost most of their money in investments, all which failed badly. They had to sell off many assets to help them get back on their feet. They now live in an old rented house, which may crumble at any moment. Leaky roof, creaky stairs, peeling paint, broken hinges and window frames... He managed to hold onto his job, which does not pay much, but he has never been the same man she was married to, 5 years ago. She forced herself to believe that these are temporary; the house, the crisis, him. She found out that she was six weeks pregnant with her second child, and she was over the moon about it. She hoped to surprise him with this news and maybe, just maybe, he will realize he has more responsibilities and he will change for the better. Maybe the blissful dream she just had may come true.

                He slapped her across the face, shouting, ‘WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO ANSWER THE DOOR? ARE YOU DEAF, WOMAN?!’ He then just wobbled into his room and slammed the door shut. But she, she did not hear a word he shouted. The force of his slap made her stagger sideways until she lost her balance, hitting her head on the side of a table and finally falling on her back, again. This time, the pain was too much. It shot up her spine, like an inferno, all the way to the back of her head. She shut her eyes in pain and screamed out in agony. She cried haltingly and her whole body shook. She seemed to be paralyzed; every single move was too much pain to bear. The pain from the fall was so intense that she did not notice the cramping in her lower abdomen. Only after a few minutes of inexplicable pain did she realize that her legs were warm and wet. And a few moments later, she was sitting in pool of blood. She stared blankly, unable to register the situation. Then she knew... The reality of it hit her so hard that she could not catch her breath between the uncontrolled sobs. At that moment, she couldn’t feel any pain.

All she could think of was the baby that she wanted so much, because she believed that only the baby can fix the family.                                                                                                                                                                   She had even made a list of potential baby names, both boy and girl. How could he do this to me?! Our baby! My baby! She called out to him, pleading, begging him to come help her, but to no avail. She cried silently, thinking, my baby, my baby, my baby…

                She woke with a severe pounding in her head. Her vision was blurred, she was disoriented. Slowly, a few things became aware to her. She was lying on the floor, her nightgown caked with blood, dried tears and snot covered her face, forming a mask-like layer and her whole body was screaming with fatigue. She glanced at the wall clock. 4.00 a.m. Slowly, she got on her knees, then, holding on to a chair, tried to stand up. The pain was much milder, though she would need to pop a couple of pain pills later. She bathed and scrubbed the floors clean, while trying hard to ignore what it was supposed to be, instead of a puddle of black, dried blood. Tears welled in her eyes but she kept them at bay. It is not a time to cry. Not now.

As soon as she finished cleaning, she went into John’s room and sat on his bedside. The moment she saw him sleeping peacefully, so vulnerable, so beautiful, all that happened previous night suddenly seemed insignificant. The only reason she bears her husband’s fits of delirium was John. She doesn’t want him to grow up fatherless, like her. It is too painful. At the age of 3, John is a pretty brilliant kid. He knows how to cheer his mother up and how to make her proud of him. He is a fast learner; he can already distinguish between colors, he is the apple of her eye. There is nothing she wouldn’t do for her little angel. However, it had been weeks since John laughed or even flashed his pearly whites. The beatings have gotten worse, and John had caught her crying more than once. She just sat there, and let her mind work.

She glanced at the wall clock again. 5.00 a.m. It’s now or never. Do it for John. She rummaged inside John’s cupboard until she found a hand-carry Crocodile luggage, one of the few which are not too damaged or worn. She took almost all of John’s clothes, stuffed them into the bag, and went to collect her own clothes from the laundry room. She found her purse, checked for identification cards, John’s birth certificate, found some petty cash, grabbed what’s left of her jewelries, and tossed it all into the bag. All was set. She double checked everything. Her heart was pounding a million beats per minute. She cannot turn back now. No. He took her baby away from her. No more chances. No more forgiveness.

Silently, she entered her bedroom. There he was, the man she used to love, sleeping contentedly on their bed, with no trace of guilt or remorse whatsoever on his face. This is not my husband. She felt disgusted that she was married to someone as cold-hearted as him. Selfish, alcoholic, irresponsible, abusive. She had to do it. He left her with no choice. She stood quietly for a minute, thinking of her lost baby yet again. But this time she was not crying, instead she was filled with so much fury, she was almost shaking. I’m not sorry. Finally, she exited the room, leaving the door wide open. She noticed that the pungent smell of the gas was already spreading fast. His morning cigar will do me the favor, she thought, with the hint of a smile.

With John in one hand and the luggage in the other, Rita left the house.